Klassy

Screen Shot 2013-04-18 at 10.54.02 AMNo matter the city or exact nature of the conflict, the requisite gaggle of girls on Real Housewives will eventually come to this:

Who has class? To be certain, the answer to whether one boozed up babe with little education has more class than the other is already clear.  When you declaim class with a “th” in between gulps of sweet white wine and are stumbling and/or screaming like a banshee, that’s Ok still. But for the record, no it’s not in any purview of people “with class.”

The RHOBH opener had Brandi gyrating to “money doesnt give you class…” And Adrienne Maloof went on to prove it this season.  More than all the others, she talked about class and being classy and learning class and being a class act all while behaving like a crude tool, a spade, a garden hoe. Uneducated. A brute. A true example of how money definitely does not give you any smattering or semblance of class.

Which is unfortunate because she did have the underdog advantage when the series first began.  She was the most physically strange of the group. Squat, overly processed, painted, un-regal. Half the fun of these shows is watching the peacockery and Adrienne couldn’t pull this off. She always looks too squeezed in. Pinched, swollen. Is it too much surgery? An insistence on a wardrobe that really isn’t for her? In any event, we wanted to root for her but she mistreated her husband, and friends and eventually revealed a level of self-obsession and wealth piggery that was astonishing even for this franchise. Past seasons had her histrionics about Lisa Vanderpump not throwing her daughter’s bachelorette party at Adrienne’s Vegas hotel. Why?  Like a mule she was unable to stop uselessly butting her head against the idea that people make decisions about their lives without consulting her. Dear Adrienne: a young girl planning her bachelorette party with friends and family does not need to consider you. Ever. Trust.

But Adrienne reveals that everything in her life is about making that pile of dough more doughy and swollen. And this is class to her.

It’s classy to scream at a friend because they didnt promote her cheesy hotel on tv.

And the Maloof hoof? Adrienne, that’s called wit. Something “classy people” very much exalt. If you read more books, you would probaby feel less insulted by people. But this clever turn-of-phrase somehow represented, as usual, a transgression of epic proportions that were “SO.Not.Classy.” You should’ve ran an ad campaign not start another self-obsessed tirade.

There was an episode (maybe the prior season) of an island vacation and during dinner, housewives discussed giving-birth stories. When it was Adrienne’s turn there was just something so off about the way she talked about it. It was instantly obvious that there was a major disconnect between her and the words she was using. Her eyes got all Krycek.

Then this season when the lithe but not not pliable Brandi refused to be bullied by the power of money (it seems) and further clarified at a table full of friends why Adrienne got all Krycek, it became the centerpoint of the show. How dare poorer, unmarried, “slutty” Brandi say something that’s true to people? How dare she? But it was on television in front of millions! Just like it was when Adrienne so ungraciously accused her friend Lisa of being a sleazy, tabloid feeder on a reunion episode. Emphatically she persistently accused and rolled eyes and obstinately forced her cheeks onto us while Lisa stammered in utter disbelief. Cheap, money-obsessed people go to tabloids and it’s been clarified who consistently reveals herself to be this way.

It was a relief to hear she’s out. As an audience or a Greek chorus we need the justice to be meted. We needed Jill Zarin out for her gross breakage of all female code. And for the same reasons we now needed Adrienne Maloof out.

TV-watching American women take their cues from these shows. And these shows certainly mimic- albeit heightened- the dynamics that occur between groups of American women in the workplace, the family, the college. When women see women behave like demons, hopefully it has some instructive nature instead of approval. It’s certainly imparted that you’re not as cute drunk as you think are and that’s a start.

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